Recent happenings
The last month or so has been very interesting, to say the least. I FINALLY found someone else who loved the show “The Cleaner” – kind of amazing, if you ask me. I have taken on a new role in my family, taken out 15 years of frustration on a family member (he totally deserved it, and I know he understands where I’m coming from now…), been dating a crazy amount of guys, continuing to shoot (photography), running, and doing a lot of thinking.
The one thing I can’t do, though, is work up the courage to tell this one in particular how I actually feel about him. I don’t really understand why I feel the way I do. I’ve only spoken with him 3 times, but he’s so kind and just has this calming presence about him… can’t really explain it. WHY CAN’T I TELL HIM!?!?!?
I’m sure it’s because I’m afraid of the rejection. He’s much older and I’m not sure we really have anything in common besides our spiritual beliefs and two passions/hobbies (travel and photography). Maybe I’m afraid that he will be “perfect” but not want to be “tied down”. Well… you know what? I’m not looking to be tied down either. I want to be with someone, but I still want to have a LIFE!
I don’t know… so let’s drop the superficial stuff and get to the deep stuff…
I have also been thinking a lot about death. There are extraordinary circumstances, I can assure you. I’m not thinking about MY death or anything, but just death in general. We all are going to die. This is not a threat… it’s a fact. No one is invincible. No one lives forever. Everyone’s body is constantly being plagued by environmental factors which may cause them to get any number of diseases that may ultimately result in their demise. When diagnosed with one of these, all you can do is deal with it and hope it doesn’t kill you. I understand the whole support system – totally agree with it, in fact… but still… we have to realize that eventually we are ALL going to die. It’s part of life.
So with that, I’ve also been toying around with why I’m here. I have a saying that I tell myself every morning. “Remember… all we are commissioned to do in this life is to LOVE. Love each other. Love ourselves. Love God. If you LOVE, you will see the world open up to you in a way you never expected.” I tell myself this in hopes that I will remember to walk a path that brings joy, happiness, and love to those around me for the time they have on this earth. If I can make one person’s life brighter each day, my life is complete. I intend to have a positive outlook on my deathbed - no matter my circumstance that brought me to that place – and all the days in between now and then. The only things I can do in the meantime are take care of myself as best I know how and to LOVE! This is why I am here. What’s your purpose?
Mary Kate
